Bulletproof Dave can usually be found with a potty mouth. A very potty mouth. Naughty.

So, I know that my last update was only yesterday, but I want to keep on top of this Blog thing. People seem to like it, so I've decided that I'm going to update it when I feel like there's something funny to say.
It's going to be sporadic. For two reasons. One, it keeps you guys on your toes, and two, I like the word sporadic.

So I found this application on Facebook that searches through your previous statuses that contain some kind of swear word. I never realised just how much I swear in life. Thank god I don't work in a nursery or a school.

So here is a selection of my favorite ones from the last year or so:

- Jul 12, 2011
I kinda like the fact that my girlfriend seems to be updating my status more than I do. You know, when she's not telling the world I love cock or something like that. xox

- Jun 4, 2011
Munching on some black cock. Epic saturday night! Xox

- May 31, 2011
Fuck you Royal Mail. Just, Fuck You.

- May 27, 2011
LOVES COCK <3 Xox

- May 16, 2011
Epic dinner.. MASSIVE JUICY COCK ;D xox

- May 8, 2011
MMMMMMMM BLACK COCK ;)

- May 3, 2011
Well, i've fucked that good and proper. Xox

- Apr 7, 2011
Fuck. Me. Sideways. Xox

- Mar 16, 2011
Plusnet, you literally suck balls. I've never known an internet provider who gets paid to sit around all day and finger their own arses. Dick splash.

- Mar 8, 2011
Friday, is fucking miles away :( xox

- Feb 27, 2011
Starting to see in 8-bit. Damn you Minecraft.

- Feb 4, 2011
Mm hard cock.

- Jan 7, 2011
Note to self: Must stop being an arrogant dickhead. Oh, and buy milk tomorrow.

- Jan 6, 2011
My brain and I are no longer talking, on account that the bastard keeps making shit up and then convincing me it's true.

- Dec 31, 2010
fuck fuckity fuck

- Dec 18, 2010
Fuck you ring of fire. Fuck you big time. :) xox

- Dec 7, 2010
Ok, so my phone resembles Sadam Hussain right now.......it's fucked. Email me on here if you need me. xox

- Nov 29, 2010
Shutter Island = Massive mindfuck. Who the fuck do I speak to to get the last 2 hours of my life back? xox

- Nov 22, 2010
Kieran to me: "I'd punch you in the dick if I could see it through all that hair. By that, I mean the hair on your head. Wait.....That sounded way better in my head. Can I start again?"

- Nov 15, 2010
Dear technology, please stop being a fuck nut, you're ruining my phone calls. Xox

- Nov 10, 2010
"working here is like swimming uphill through shit.............with broken legs" xox
- Oct 4, 2010 why does my bedroom smell like bacon? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I just want to find the source so I can eat it.............or fuck it............ xox

- Sep 26, 2010
"I drop the pencil on the floor, she bends down and shows me more" Oh Busted, it kills me to like you, but you do make me giggle. Fuck you facebook. Don't judge me :D xox

- May 17, 2010
became a fan of "I'd happily swap my workload for the average uni student's, the moaning, too much money, too much time, I'm so stressed because I have three weeks of exams, yeah I am spending your taxes on an iphone cos I'm cool, hot pocket eating bastards" page with 11 million others.

- Jan 6, 2010
Really? What, every fucking status? Sweet baby jesus on a pogo stick.

- Dec 28, 2009
sorry to say it........ but I fucking hate Kei$ha. I know people will not like that view, but its the internet. The largest global free speech tool ever. :)

- Dec 4, 2009
Yep, thats pretty much how long my 'list of things to do' list is. I could probably shorten it by taking things like 'steal a donkey' and 'shit on a pigeon' off it..............

- Oct 4, 2009
The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too? knobjockeys.......

- Sep 29, 2009
for shits and giggles? what the fuck? does that mean you giggle when you shit....... or......... shit when you giggle? either way, you need a fucking doctor

- Sep 14, 2009
hates that fucking turkey...........

I love swearing by the way, it's a fantastic way to convey emotion through a few simple words. Saying "fuck" just holds so much more power than "fiddlesticks".